Do you over-explain yourself !! Find out

Do you over-explain yourself !!

Is it difficult for you to say ‘no’ to people without a lengthy explanation?

Do you often find yourself crossing emotional boundaries even when you promised yourself not to?

Do you feel the need to over-explain and defend yourself in tricky situations?

Do you constantly find yourself sending a bunch of texts to someone to convince them of your perspective or your side of a story?

If your answer is ‘yes’ to any one of the above, then let’s go through the many possible reasons behind it.

This forced need to over-explain or fawn is the body’s way to develop a defense mechanism to protect itself against invalidation and rejection. Often linked to a trauma response, subconsciously or not, people do it to avoid anticipated conflicts or confrontations.

In the past, if one felt abandoned, threatened, gaslit or unsafe, then they actively seek security and approval by people-pleasing and molding themselves, befitting other people’s perception of them.

Do you over-explain yourself !!

Hiding your authentic self is a high price to pay for keeping the peace by diffusing discord in any relationship.

Over the years, this unhealthy pattern of fawning makes you a codependent and anxious person with low self-esteem. It is important to realize that it is not your job to satisfy and regulate others’ emotional beliefs.

What to do if you are stuck in this cycle?

The foremost thing to do is to observe your thoughts and behaviour to know when and why you are triggered. Sit with yourself patiently to set clear and healthy boundaries, practise a fresh way of thinking where you prioritize a healthy mindset, and regulate your responses.

Self-control and mindfulness are imperative to fight the temptation to fawn until it becomes simpler and comes naturally to you. The toughest thing to do is to challenge your thought patterns and mend them to exercise full control of your reactions and not the other way round.

Do you over-explain yourself !!

We cannot make everyone happy and it’s not our job to. When we embrace all parts of who we are, we snatch away the power from others to make us feel or be a certain way.

The habit of over-explaining and the inability to refuse stems from profound pain and feelings of desertion. It takes great courage to reorient oneself on the path to forming genuine and fulfilling connections with others.

“The truth is we do not need to defend our worth. We do not need to apologize for our limits, our needs, our ambition, or dreams, or our desires – even when it brings up insecurities in those around us”.

-Apurva

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