People Pleasing has No Benefits, to stop people pleasing it’s important to first see clearly that it has no benefits to continue the behavior. You probably at least already know that it feels bad to do something you actually don’t want to do, just to please others.
- People pleasing feels bad because you’re not respecting yourself. You’re basically saying to yourself that the other person and their happiness is more important than you and your happiness. In doing so, you’re not being as kind to yourself as you are to the other person.
- People pleasing also has a bad influence on the relationship.
Do you know that feeling of resentment, of being upset with someone because you said yes to helping them out with
something while you really don’t want to?
It’s easy to start having thoughts like: “They ask me too much. They’re not really considerate towards me. They don’t value my time.”. Maybe. And maybe they’ll even pick up on your resentment and start feeling bad about themselves too. But the truth is at least that you are not considerate towards yourself, and you’re not really valuing your time enough to say no. That hurts. And it takes the joy out of the relationship as well.
Saying “No” is Saying Yes
When you say “no” to someone else, you’re saying yes to you. Because :
- You’re respecting your desires and boundaries, you allow yourself to be authentic, you refuse to do what you don’t want to do, and so you take care of yourself and your happiness.
- You’re also saying yes to healthy relationships in which both parties can freely ask each other for favors, where no is an acceptable answer, and where both parties only act on shared desires, thereby keeping the relationship clean of resentment and full of joy.
Saying “no” to someone is at the same time saying yes to them. Because it’s also for their best interests that the relationship stays clean and that you don’t give them the bad experience of
someone reluctantly doing something for or with them. If you would never dare to say no or enforce your boundaries, they might notice and stop enjoying your help and company.
So you see that saying “no” is actually saying yes to yourself, the other person, and the relationship you have together.