Simple Living: “When to adjust vs when to confront a person”

confront a person

Adjust!?

I am sure most of us have adjusted to different situations and circumstances from time to time. So, We all know what adjustment/adjusting is!

However, strangely I have noticed people take it on their ego when they have to adjust often for another human being! Why?

According to the dictionary the verb “to adjust” means to fit, to make correspondent, to adapt, or to accommodate. Thus, when we adjust something we change it in some way to make it appropriate to certain requirements. As used in psychology, the term means that we must accommodate ourselves in order to fit certain demands of our environment.

Adjusting is a behavioral process by which we maintain an equilibrium for various needs or between our needs and the obstacles we might get from the environments we live in. A sequence of adjustment begins when a need is felt and ends when it is satisfied.

Why is adjustment important as per psychology?

Successful adjustment is crucial to live a high quality of life. Those who are unable to adjust well are more likely to have clinical anxiety or depression, as well as experience feelings of hopelessness, anhedonia, difficulty concentrating, sleeping problems and reckless behavior.

What exactly is confrontation?

Generally speaking the term confrontation means challenging another person over a discrepancy or disagreement.

Why is confronting important?

Each time you are willing to openly discuss something with another person, you allow a degree of transparency and intimacy to occur, strengthening the very foundation of the relationship just from the act of simple conversation.

When to adjust vs when to confront

It is important todiscriminate and decide when to use the ability to face a situation and when to use it to adjust with people or situations:

  • When there are differences of cultural background, upbringing , opinions and perspectives, we need to adjust, not confront. Unfortunately, more often we are confronting people for such differences and depleting the strength of our relationships.
  • When you know about your own weak or wrong thought, mindset, you need to constantly work on it and not give up until you finish or change it. You must always strive to become better, adapt good qualities and let go of bad ones. If you give up in between your growth journey, that mindset will grow stronger and weaken our will power.
  • Understanding that you can’t be right “ALWAYS”. Adjusting to this mindset will resolve a lot of conflicts in your life. Due to differences in upbringing and perspective two people can have different opinions and still be right in their their own way. Adjusting to such situations is the right thing to do.
  • One must confront when there is abuse, exploitation or compromise of values and principles, we need to confront, not adjust. If we adjust and accept these under social pressure, it is a sign of our lack of ability to face the other person or situation.
  • When someone is talking behind your back Do nothing. Though you may be tempted to act out or confront the person, sometimes the best response is to ignore gossip. Just think: the person didn’t give you the consideration of saying what they said to your face. Don’t give them the consideration of taking it any further.

It is important to identify the REAL issue that is inciting this confrontation. People tend to project emotions or moods onto other people or other situations. Before you decide to confront someone, take the time to parse out what the issue is that you want to approach and why you feel like a face-to-face confrontation is the best way to go about resolving this issue.

-Apurva

Simple Living

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