A saint was asked – ” what is anger?” He gave a beautiful answer “It is a punishment we give to ourself, for somebody else’s mistake.”
We all lose our temper from time to time, however there is a difference between anger expressing differences in opinion or feelings.
Expressing your differences in opinion is healthy. It allows you to have a healthy conversation and reach towards a mutual understanding or an agreement. However, almost every human from time to time forget the initial reason behind their anger and take it personally on their ego. That’s where you lose the temper.
We all need to understand one simple fact “Anger is not a solution, it is the problem.”
Expressing anger inappropriately will be one day harmful to you and your relationships, both personal and professional.
You may express too much anger, too often or at times that is only going to make things worse.
Let’s take a look at techniques that will help you better control your emotions and deal with them a wiser manner.
To understand your anger, you first need to understand how have you been expressing them.
Being Passive-Aggressive This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.
Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviours include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.
This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.
Poorly-Timed Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.
An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.
Ongoing Anger Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.
Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.
Healthy Ways to Express Anger
When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started
Being Honest Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.
Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.
Being Direct Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”